Don't Loose the Magic

Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way

2010-08-28T05:54:00.001-07:00

GLenn Beck is a PRIME example as to WHY it is okay to build a Mosque near ground zero. Having his MESSIAH moment in Washington to and I quote "Take America BACK" rally this weekend.

Both HE and Palin are basically doing the very thing they preached so strongly against with the NYC Mosque saying it is in "bad taste" to build there. However, speaking on the steps of Lincolns memorial which just happens to be one historic day/anniversary as Martin Luther King shared his "I had a dream" speech with us.

Beck claiming he would be just a few steps below that of M.L.K. actual spot. Beck is a Clown literally, check his resume'. But I firmly believe he like every other American has a right to speak or build a Muslim American Mosque near ground zero. The minute we begin picking and choosing which group/community/religions/ etc . are allowed too do???? only brings one word to mind-

SEGREGATION

"Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way."
Marcel Proust

Anxiety ATTACK

2010-08-15T01:10:00.000-07:00

Dentist in 9 hours. She works on weekends….Panic

WE CAN resume getting married Aug 18th

2010-08-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Big Brother

2010-08-06T16:55:00.000-07:00

who is watching this year?

My daddy belongs to daddy

2010-04-29T15:48:00.001-07:00

I applaud the article
http://links.mkt335.com/ctt?kn=1&m=2954767&r=OTA2NzEyMTA3OQS2&b=0&j=MTc3NjA1MDEwS0&mt=1&rt=0
and have always wanted to express it and now can. Out at 16, exposed at 17, found my partner of 26+ years to date. Though he and I have had our share of complications one being our AGE difference. I being 17 and he 33. The fact he also had money made it really tough for us being clocked as "Sugar Daddy" and "Chicken". We gays are always applauded for our thick skin/shields if you will as a defense mechanism growing up but why we turn on one another is beyond me when we all know what it is like to be picked on. We are suppose to be full of pride coming OUT celebrating our new family when in fact we are full of shit. Okay maybe this statement was a bit harsh? The jury can decide.

I have retired from what most would call an ACTIVE gay lifestyle in the year 2000 at 34 years old not by choice but by my AIDS wake up call. Yeah I was the one living HIV positive have no time to be Negative until my number was called. Both my partner and I found ourselves starting the new millennium as two gay men living with AIDS. The fact we had both been to hell and back in our relationship didn't matter anymore, what mattered is we had each other. Having a lover, boyfriend, partner, significant other, husband, whatever you labled it I lived it my entire OUT life. Not once was I known for being single only in a relationship or having a boyfriend. So to hear older men whine about being called daddy is nothing short of amusing. It ranks up there with gay men not wanting to be called GIRL.

When did our beloved community and pride enlist the fuck police? I always knew being unfaithful or caught tricking out was a risk I took if and when I decided too. I subscribed to the I love you but I fuck him club. My partner disagreed with a passion. When I found it worked both ways my feelings were a bit swayed. My point is we had to work it out together but now our relationship was fair game in the community. Having to prove yourself or feel the need to earn trust back from a community which really has no business in your affairs who seems to think it does? What would we queens do without gossip? I am the first to admit being one vicious spilling of the tea queens and know as a youngster from the way I was brought out it was part of the package. I liked it then but hindsight is 20/20 and I don't like it now.

The last 10 years have been really hard but also very reflective on life as a gay man of 43 living with AIDS and caring for a 15 year my senior partner who is quicker to get sicker and has almost loosing him twice this last year alone. I guess my perspective on the whole Daddy topic is why does it matter? Youth is so overrated but yet most of us suckers would give our souls to be young, dumb and full of cum again. WHY? Can we not grow as individuals celebrating our age and own it not trying to fight it or escape it because it is impossible to recapture ones youth and folly. I had plastic surgery at 19! Wanting chiseled features, six pack abs sure, popularity you bet but at what cost?

Living as a narcissistic 24/7 sexual predator, going to the gym, tanning, and doing laundry the Jersey lifestyle is not just unsafe when not played right but pathetic, point blank period. I am living proof. When you put all your eggs in one basket and bet the farm with only your looks you will pay and my dear gorgeous young, tight end friends will pay dearly I assure you. When beauty fades and this is all you gave or put out there what will you become? SEX 24/7, really? Okay I liked to play around now and then and by the grace of God maybe this is why 26 years with this disease later I am still here. How many partners is too many? Do you truly value yourself as a piece of meat to be sucked, fucked, and tossed on to the next? Other than the obvious satisfaction, wouldn't you like to know the persons name for once? Maybe try a relationship on for size instead of looking for SIZE alone? Ask yourself are you really happy with your life be it in or out of a relationship?

A relationship will not fix what you think is missing in your life anymore than fucking endlessly will. Get real and honest with yourself and each other, live by example not just the rule. A favorite quote my drag mother gave me years ago was advice I took and it goes something like this.

"It is far sexier to be wanted than had"

Value and treasure what you have don't give it up so fast. Just like the real girls don't give up your flower only to be left with a stick of thorned wood. OUR community is sexually based and I will debate to the day I die the whole we are guys needing to spread our seed and not made to be monogamous theory the straights tell themselves. Youth, sex, and looks are what drives this culture and I don't see it changing anytime soon. I can't imagine what women have to deal with when those rules apply coupled with not eating to fit in. Figuratively, and Literally speaking.

I tend to think of us now older gay men (30-->is still over the hill last I checked)as the first wife syndrome. When the party goes on without your tired ole ass unable to keep up and when we try too we look ridiculous. I am all for getting with a group of guys and playing at a circuit now and then, but the bar on weekends? seriously grow up.Do you really want to subject yourself to the abuse you once dished out? Taking PRIDE in being called "daddy" is so stupid unless of course you are in some kind of role leather play.

I know you youngsters are reading this thinking you did it why can't we? YOU can that is the point. My hope for writing this soapbox of a comment is maybe as your elder you will know the outcome is not always so pretty. Twirling, drugging, fucking, without a care in the world will eventually catch up and it is anything but liberating. To wake up one day in a pool of pity and self destruction, wondering if is was worth it? I wish I had gotten the memo sooner rather than later when it was beyond my control. I do love my community even with it's flaws I wouldn't trade you guys LBT in for the world. I hope as we grow up in this country we will also mature as a community.

To live as a young gay man today with our human rights finally becoming OUR reality making GAY PRIDE a fight we are now winning instead of loosing. Stonewall, Bath Houses, Disco, Drag, Dance, Diva's, Drugs, Dick, and Disease we ACT ed up and not a minute too soon.

Get HIGH Edmond 1978-84

2009-06-03T15:21:00.001-07:00

Want a playlist full of corporate rock and pop this is your soundtrack….

Does the beat go on, really?

2009-05-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

LIFE can be a Real DRAG!

“One Handsome BOW?”

After 5 weeks of hell not me, but my partner David we are both finally in our own home but he is 50/50. We have home health care with an RN, LPN, and PT/OT. He had to go to the Emergency room again yesterday due to dehydration. He doesn't like the taste of water and basically he has to start liking it or he can kiss his bladder goodbye and even being melodramatic could die if he doesn't begin to fight and try. It has been tough on him but for a caregiver it can be just as draining and hell. I have seen this many times with friends before and it doesn't always have to be AIDS but any illness with a serious side to it. Loved ones who are sick have a tendency of pushing and pushing to the point of wanting a knock out fight to have ME or YOU the caregiver to say basically "Blank Blank and Blankety Blank" with the hopes you will go away but also deep down they want to see if you will come back. Don't ask me why people who are fighting something life threatening or terminal feel the need to play these games but in my 25plus years living, breathing, fighting, working, crying, laughing, and most of all living with HIV/AIDS I know the road ahead will not be easy and support from JC, Family, and friends like those of you here on Face book with whom I have either reconnected with from the past or as I have said before have met on my OUT of the Closet tour Circa 1980's up until today. Wait let me check to see if I woke up straight......NOPE still gay. I really have to say Thank you for listening to my ramblings in the beginning of this adventure and even though I started to disappear it came to my attention it was impossible to share emotions which at one point I actually was numb and had none. But I am re-energized and spent the night playing with my drag and another hobby of mine Photography. Or Tech Art Photography. I will post some of my work for you to see but all it takes is some makeup, lighting, camera (video or Camera) along with many a program to tweak my creations. I do hope to get the nerve up to start posting video blogs or Vlogs on Face-book for it is so much easier than typing. Well, enjoy or destroy my drag profile pic for the weekend while I work on my summer 09 FB profile pic. Take CARE and God B

1,000,000 GAYS & LESBIANS ON FACEBOOK! Global

2009-02-07T20:55:00.001-08:00

Thom Collins- represent O.K.L.A.H.O.M.O Sexual, tis me! Were doing fine OKLAHOMa city Okay. I see my Sister Tulsa in da house and love this experiment. Just in case I pull a Kate Winslet I wrote a little something if honored with such a noble duty to represent my Twisted Sisters here on the belt buckle of the bible belt. If not it was just an honor to try and make sense of this observation as to stay on point and not go all Wild Tangent up in here. This is how I see it and I have seen allot.

Picture it Midwest Oklahoma City 1995 just opening a non for profit HIV/AIDS foundation Open Your Heart org. Always one to be a step ahead understanding the power of publicity a close girlfriend signed me up to a then Large but still communal AOL 1.5 giving me the Handle name ThomPoz. Remember the famous "Inter webs" didn't go mainstream until 1998. This is my point and how it all relates to this project on Facebook. If NOT for the GLBT community keeping those memberships/cash flow to AOL servers always UP for a good time at all hours of the day getting served a daily dose of just how friendly the GAYS who by no fault of our own are 1st in line to be condemned/hated on, or beaten but at the same time this then uncharted Internet and Cyberspace began to introduce Netscape or a new app called a search engine like Yahoo all would profit through growth and expansion as to one day be able to chat around the world but someone (Al Gore?) or something had to host it.

So 1995 prior and after AOL kept many a members happy with the somewhat original dose of a very BUSY GLBT Communal Networking of it's time knocking the 976 party lines off their throne before they realized the now Infamous M4M "CHAT ROOMS" were fresh,overloaded, exciting, and new. Just those three years alone AOL saw a spike in memberships and they were not from housewives for scrap booking ideas. Plus it was FREE! Honey we were at the party and as a Veteran of AOL I still have my chats/hosted HIV/AIDS private hosted monthly chat printed on dot.matrix printer. Knowing it impossible to try and compete with the ever changing M4M basic inquiry to years later so very creative M4BiM/Tran under 30 Chat rooms.Turned on and over by the time mainstream America could say Who Where What or -www..dotcoms were just learning the difference between the animal Mouse and the computer mouse and the idea of the Personal computer/Media/Video/Music/Entertainment basically as we now know and love didn't get off so to speak with such excitement invested money into the future of the World Wide Web and Silicon valley .dot Busted. My friends still built my website in 1998 sadly she is still up and gets email to date but archaic html gives a glimpse or a snapshot if you will of what the net was like 10 plus years ago.

If not for it along with being pro active participating in, learning, meeting, enriching my own personal life in so many ways I firmly believe if NOT for our vibrant and colorful GLBT communities feel the way in which WE the People share information via myspace, Friendster, and this Million GLBT experiment on Facebook may have looked very different... do you follow me??? This is just an opinion and is posted to be debated but is Facebook when you step back and as a past AOL volunteer or if you participated back in the mid 90's basically just a more interesting, and fun way to stay in touch through more ways than just text, but video, music, and photos still just ONE BIG CHAT ROOM of the past? What has changed socially today which was not in place 10 years ago. Kids this is progress. Why tell such a long tale because when we finally get all of OUR EQUAL rights and maybe a month of gay history I would love the answer to my theory when someone crunches the numbers allowing history to record the GLBT played a pivotal role in the way WE the People, Network, communicate, play, meet, learn, date, and relate to each other Gay, Straight, Christian, Muslim, Black or White in the 21st century.

JOIN this group and be heard:

"Wur" country

2007-08-08T18:23:00.001-07:00

Remember when? A girl and a dream

The Sims2 H&M Fashion Runway

2007-07-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

The Sims2 H&M Fashion Runway

Tribeca Film

2007-05-26T15:50:00.001-07:00

oh to be a filmaker

Gay Pride 2007

2007-05-25T11:01:00.001-07:00

Get ready cause I am going to tell it like I do every year I live with this disease. Okay there are many many social networking sites popping up one after another.  I really would like to start a bit of a how do you say "a network of in your face, toilet face kind of people".  Well them there is fighting words but there are two social networking sites with this web 2.0 craze and with my wisdom or uh long term survivor of 24 plus years if you will would like to make having this damn disease fun again.  Remember the days of should I tell or should I keep quiet, or taking AZT back when it first came out and popped them with whatever PILL dujour was of the evening.  Ecstasy, coke, or GHB those were fun times.  But now I am still alive and in gay years should be appearing on a smuckers jam jar on the today show rather soon.   So I started these two clubs/networks/gatherings/or maybe a little shock publicity if you will, Tina no I didn't mean it...just basically called Ask the Gay with Full Blown AIDS, he-mans women haters club.  No just kidding on the he-mans thing didn't you love those little rascals?  Okay I am getting off on a tangent.  My point is I am not any better than any other long termed or more knowledgeable either all I am saying is I started these online support groups ala circa AOL 2.0 1994 way back in the day when I was more than a contender I was some-BODY and I do mean BODY.  I am also very humble and would use to share my story with anyone who had a camera and a contract or if I was so HIGH I could keep the New York Christmas tree lit just from my teeth grinding the friction alone.oh dear tangent sorry. 

  I would love to meet other sarcastic, dark humor, dry or quick witted and maybe a dash of evil but only enough to make us laugh without the so called object of our rejection ever knowing and the reason why I would allow it is because deep down we all know those people and we all have their numbers to put it mildly and they are most likely talking about us anyway.  So does two wrongs make a right, gossip or perpetuating the catty queen behavior so many of us negative and positive still try so hard to distance ourselves from. I don't buy it and find it insulting to our forefathers, sisters and skins to erase our "HER"itage as gay men. Please I do not want to lead on I am forgetting or addressing the rest of our community such as Lesbian, Bisexuals, and Tran gendered in this discussion but it is GLBT and Gay was put first so I am sorry about the order of who is more important but I didn't write the write the constitution so don't blame me write to your cable operator and start a expedition so your voice or vote will be counted and heard too and you may see change in your lifetime.  I doubt it but keep up the good fight because no one cause is more important than mine and learning how to MILK and mingle is hard to master but I know there has to be a few of you left out there in the big world wide web who is still struggling to survive hanging on with not a t cell to spare, you know who you are and I am the HIV/AIDS Internet community crier, but I am literally crying. 

And frankly I like the word fag but I was out of town and missed that vote but I can live with gay. So beyond ignorant just thinking of the many gorgeous men I had encountered in many aspects meaning encounter could be easily replaced with whatever word you could dream up, my point being those pretty boyz who would get pinched if you were having fun laughing out loud and refer to them as GIRL, go get mama a drink.  Well you would think the world had just come to an end, I am not your girl I am a guy thank you.  uggghhhhh barf whatever and I suppose everybody who is shirtless and dancing the night away with sweat glistening off their nipple but their nose has not a bit of shine, powdered down to perfection.  In many cases powdered down in more ways than one.

  Oh and one more thing these are the type of gay men who only do drag on Halloween but their costumes are planned a year ahead of time and they usually start shopping in the early spring.  Plus have you ever noticed there is always a pair of size 12 pump placed so it is not seen, but not so hidden it can't be busted out one evening when she is feeling pretty.   Halloween but their costumes are planned a year ahead of time and they usually start shopping in the early spring.  Plus have you ever noticed there is always a pair of size 12 pump placed so it is not seen, but not so hidden it can't be busted out one evening when she is feeling pretty.  Okay now with this vivid description out of the way

 Okay now with this vivid description out of the way it is important to understand why I mentioned looking for others with a little bit of catty and a dash of evil just enough to be able to laugh at someone else's faux pas at the cost of complete humiliation.  But it has been my experience, training, and most of all survival skills taught by situations of Vile and terror only to be clocked or read by the nearest drag queen or a pre op transsexual incognito there to read my beads and put me in my place.  What the hell does this all mean, I am alive

For a couple of damn good reasons and one of them is a sense of humor, though a bit dark, misunderstood, rude, judgmental, insecure, and the typical Miss Thing behavior we all have tried in vain to run away from, but deep down we love it and if you don’t love it your lying or you are no good at it.  Good at what you ask?  Well if you have to ask then you will never be good at it.  Sure we all are born with gaydar and our lesbian sisters know their way around power tools if everyone would just stop, think for a frickin minute before sputtering out drunk, sober, or otherwise something stupid and/or politically charged by resorting to the same old basic middle school labels and parent taught stereotypes who would we have to laugh at?  I mean I own the word FAG and I take the power out of this hate language and use it to refer to friends as a term of endearment to my “homie-sexuals” We are living in a time when words hurt and that saddens me.  

  If you are flying in the gay world solo not having the tools of being able to protect yourself with a quick witted comeback or the reading of someone’s beads back at em if they dare try it on you.  Okay so you are not good at playing stupid little name calling games or reading someone’s “beads” by clocking and calling them out on a bad fashion mistake when it wouldn’t have made a difference. 

  OMG a tear the finale of The Real World Denver and Brookes final confessional has made me rethink this whole short story essay, application, shout out, blog post whatever it is I can honestly say just like Brooke said I feel alive, I didn’t when I started this adventure but I feel alive now.  So on that note and rude thought interruption we will refocus back to my story that is by far more important and a whole complete life lesson worth of knowledge.

  Where was I oh yeah it wouldn’t have made a difference it was already way too late for your friend to change.  Okay so your best friend visiting from back home is wearing and working this trendy neon green button down shirt which looks faboo on his oh so buff, tall, masculine frame, some brand new jeans etc.  However as hot as he looked and he knew it too just happened to be in every setting is it mood lighting, or a quick stop at the stink pot fluorescent lighting gas station?  Hi how are you here, hey what’s up nice to meet you there all just made me sick…so fake you think your friend is just a little to cute for his own words.  So just say for example this best girlfriend is taking you out to a new hot bar he has been too and knows it has nothing but black lighting.  So you are not just noticed you are seen for at least a mile and half, hell you could land planes you are a walking living breathing glow stick.  True story, so embarrassing and humiliating for him I can still remember him begging me to go somewhere else but I couldn’t the night was planned weeks in advance unlike his obvious outfit disaster. I was treating one of my back home girlfriends to a night out in the one and only West Hollywood.  Well she was taller than me and had less body fat and it wasn’t like I slept with her boyfriend on their 4-week anniversary, I at least waited until the next day. Duh I am not so evil I would make someone cry just for a laugh at their expense, well maybe an uncomfortable pause or embarrassed face on the verge of crying but just a whimper isn’t so bad.  Now if he was to bust out in a full spray of unadulterated tear fests then at this point I have no other choice but to write her off right then and there severe all ties and act as if I have no idea who this person is.  I mean I do have a reputation to protect.  Years of crawling and scraping my way through my sugar daddy’s wallet did not come as easy as I had hoped and was taught in daddy’s money 101 by my drag mother a pre op transsexual named Mindy, ah hell it is all in the book.  

  Well to sum it up in the early to mid 90’s I resided and ruled the world of WeHO’s OZ for almost 3 full terms because as you most likely know 15 minutes is all anyone gets to reign supreme in LA’s world gay world of the Circuit.I was blessed those memorable early youthful years doing charity work for International Male/Playgirl centerfold/Men’s workout oh please all those tired but important quest items are needed if you are questing for this particular title/goal I was working so hard for.  The ability to be talked about in front of my face but most of all the coveted talking behind my back is double the points of brilliance because good or bad you are so important all press is better than no press at all.  Yeah I coined the phrase just like Janice Dickinson was the first supermodel of the world. So moonlighting as a Go Go boy to put myself through beauty school to make something of my life before I got too old I mean I was already pushing 25 and having HIV at this point for almost 10 years I was working it like nobody else should.

    The point of this monologue, prayer, mantra, whatever is if you are going to be a Crybaby Crenshaw you need to grow up get a life so I can make fun of it laughing out loud and thinking to myself you may be taller and have a little less body fat but my AIDS has way more I mean a butt load, no pun intended more t cells than you buster so just remember no matter how hard you try my immune system is 10 times stronger than yours.  Wimps, wannabee’s need not apply and btw don’t be surprised if this story is basically posted on every site you see this is one of those posts.  My thesis, my drama, my junk for the week filled with love and sharing bubbles of health and bullshit. I am hungry bye

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2006-09-04T18:57:00.000-07:00

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